恋は思案のほか。

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testing1
~ I've to.
Thursday, January 31, 2008 at 10:11:00 PM

Well, girlfriends, maybe i just feel that
i'm not that close to everyone, like last time.

It's just what i feels.
But if you need someone to comfort you,
I'll be there for you. Yes, i'll will.

Just give me a call.
If you wanna talk face to face, yea sure.
Of course, i'll be there asap.

But if you don't share and when i found out,
you all are DEAD. DENG DENG DENG DENG. Just joking lol.

It's just that, i don't wanna see any one of you
being hurt. I just made me feel so sad.
That's why i wanna post this out.
I know it's stupid to like post it out, Why not use mouth.
I also wish to. But aiya, you all should know part of my 'pattern' bah.

It just made me feel such a failure. Serious..
But i just don't know how to talk.
It always appear in my mind that 'I'm alone'
Ya.. that's why i became like this. Sorry.

I don't want any of my precious friends feel hurt and sad.
How shall i describe it? Sigh. I don't know :/ ..

Maybe you all may thinks that i'm kpo.
Cause i'm not close to you all again.
That's why i just feel so weird and sad.
But it's okay. I'm used to it. I've to face it , isn't it ?

I just feels that, I'm so far apart from everyone.
But don't worry.. I'm still living on this Greeny earth.

Peepos says i'm weird. Yea, i agree.
JUST TOTALLY A WEIRD GIRL.



But it's okay, it's alright. I'll still keep the distance.
Because i've to.






So, girls, if you need some comfort or talks,
just give me a call (:
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~ day 73
at 5:47:00 PM

Please come and hear me again, my dear.
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~ day 71, 72
Wednesday, January 30, 2008 at 10:49:00 PM

Have you forgotten your things?

Cool.
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~ day 71
Monday, January 28, 2008 at 10:17:00 PM

Where's passion?

School's quite okay. Don't worry.
Just that my mind is not yet still ready.
Because i told it, not to.
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~ day 70
Saturday, January 26, 2008 at 11:21:00 PM

想念你。。。
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~ day 69
Friday, January 25, 2008 at 11:41:00 PM

天上的星星那么多,
哪一个才是你呢?
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~ day 68
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 9:43:00 PM

I finally heard it.
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~ day 67
Monday, January 21, 2008 at 9:48:00 PM

When will you hold my hands again?
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~ day 66
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 5:38:00 PM



His passion, his pain, his grace
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~ day 65, 66
at 4:03:00 PM

Cough, cough
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~ day 64
Friday, January 18, 2008 at 5:07:00 PM

I just wish i can go back to the past and freeze the time.
Why does it have to be this way.

Les say,
From Good friends > Lover > Stranger


Well, I don't know this is true or not.
But Maybe?

If it's like this, i rather be a single, FOREVER.
yes, forever, forever, FOREVER.


Maybe i was just too sensitive.
I don't want my name to be Kah Li Ping.
I don't want to be me.
I just want to change everything, my personality, blablabla
into another person and be your friend again.
I just wish that i am a guy, well maybe.
Being a girl is so troublesome and xinku.

I want to be a guy so i'll be doing what guys are always doing.
Eat, sleep, flirt, dump gf, play, listening to music and many many more.
Then the guys will be like gaming all day long with no worries.
Happy happy. strong heart and healthy right.
Then girlfriend ci hou ni. What a good life.
I'm just fucking jealous.


Well, I always think that i'm born to suffer in this life.
Since primary school, i've already hated life.
I thought life is so boring and sucky, even with friends.
Last time, everyday have to get punish by parents
cause of this and that. Already make me feel so ....
Yea, i do thought of dying though.

Until you appear into my life, things are changing so much.
Just too much. We always chat everyday, happily.
You taught me so many things.
I'm just simply comfortable with you.
Then we became such good friends that can laugh anytime tgt.
When I'm bored, i'll be like looking for you to talk to.
Then i got a crush on you. Hah.
And it's like so dam long. Yea, very long.
I didn't tell anyone about this. Not even my table knows.
I thought that you just only treat me as a friend.
Until you decided to walk into my life with me :D .
I was real happy, yea, really. Tears of joy now. lol.

I always thought that i'll never be your girlfriend,
but just being a girl that's hiding at one corner looking at you.
Then that day, i can finally walk up to you and smile.
Having you is just like, so wonderful everyday.
It's called, the feeling of love.

Then we decided to meet out. I was dam shy, i admit. hah.
It just makes me feel so nervous, so badly.
Well, of course i'm feel dam happy to see your lar (:
Meeting every weekdays/weekend, going somewhere else.
and walking together, and slping on the bus.
Your shoulder is just so nice to sleep on :D .
Until when you doze off, it's my turn to lend you mine.
Then when you sleep, dam cute luh ^^ lol.
cause you're my baby =o . Haha.
Then when you wake up, you're like so blur.
No wonder, you banged onto a lamp post before =.= lol.
And, when crossing road, please be more careful ok.
I just love you so much.

But until the day you wanted to walk out my life,
I was so angry, shock and sad.
Actually, before you asked for a break,
the few days ago, I already can feel that something
bad will happen between us.
The day before we broke up, I wanted to
look for you so badly. But you were grounded..
I thought on that day, we'll have some fun and talk tgt.
So everything will be alright again.
But before i wanna make you happy,
you already decided to walk out of my life, just like that.
I don't know what to do. It was so sad...
Well, i don't really know why you wanna do that.

Now, I just get so sad when i see couples.
I just miss you so much.
But, You're living so happy without me.
Maybe you gotten a girlfriend already.
Well, i don't know.
You said that life have to move on.
But it's so difficult for me.
But i don't know how.
Everyone tried to help me.
But in the end, things didn't really turn out the way it should be.
I just think that, everything is my fault.
If i have love you more, care for you more,
Maybe things wouldn't turn out like that.
I regretted so much... so much....
But what can i do now?
Be like last time and hide to look at you again.
I thought of transferring school to your school,
so i can see you everyday again.
Just seeing you, already can make me feel satisfied.
I don't mind to be your 2nd girlfriend.
I don't mind doing anything just for you.
I know it's insane...






I'm sorry. I just don't know how to cope on with my life.
It's a scar when you leave.
It'll heal if you walk with me again.
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~ day 63
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 8:30:00 PM

I'm so tired yet i can't sleep.
Having fever plus throat problem is like so ...
It makes me feel like dying zzz.


I just don't know what to do.
I feel so lost again.
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~ day 62
Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 8:49:00 PM

I'm fucking happy. ^^..
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~ day 61
Tuesday, January 15, 2008 at 5:13:00 PM

I'm such a freak.

I should have done that earlier.
Yea.. i was just a ________.

I don't know i should feel happy or sad.
Please..




You're telling me to activate it, again.
Code please. well, you said it.
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~ (:
Monday, January 14, 2008 at 10:08:00 PM



This is the last of me.
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~ day 59, 60
at 3:53:00 PM

As you can see from my previous post,
I wrote that
"Sorry friends, i refuse to talk about my problems.
Because i know what you all are going to say."

Didnt I ?

I just wanna say that, i don't need anymore
unknown or whoever to tell me what to do or give me any tips or what.
When i need help or what, i know who i can
approach to and ask.

I know you all are trying to help. Thanks.

But i just wanna say, It's useless to tag on my blog
saying this and that. Like as if it's going to work so well.

I already said before, you all don't understand how i feel.
You know, Feel?
I know it's stupid to say this. but oh well.



I know what I'm doing okay.

That's all i wanna say.
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~ day 58
Saturday, January 12, 2008 at 11:40:00 PM


I didn't meant to.

I wish i had a telescope.
So i can see the stars and etc.
There's only 1 star shining now.

Well, what you said is right.





Get well soon alright.
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~ day 57
Friday, January 11, 2008 at 9:23:00 PM

No matter what i do,
i always think of you.

My mood just change like fuck.

I've just a sinking heart.
Can you all see it?...
No. Looks are deceiving anyway.


Emotions are taking over me, always.
Once it takes over me, i can't do anything.
Sorry friends, i refuse to talk about my problems.
Because i know what you all are going to say.
Because i know nothing will solve.
Because i'm afraid.
Because i feel so lonely and useless.
Yea, i choose to run away. but who cares.
Sorry, just to say, even i myself don't know wad to do.
Well, but i can't help it. Forgive me.

I've no appetite to eat.
Well, at least i eat 1 meal per day.
Better than nothing right?
Even if i eat, it's always tasteless, serious.
Even if i eat, i always eat for fun.
Even if i eat, i'll feel like vomiting in the end.
I can't help it too. Talk to my tongue.


I always wanted to talk to you,
but I don't know how to talk to you.
I miss you so badly... so so so bad...
Talk to my heart and ask what's the problem with it.





Hug me again, baby.
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~ day 57
Thursday, January 10, 2008 at 10:48:00 PM

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victim’s blood?


The crimson;
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~ day 56
Wednesday, January 09, 2008 at 10:37:00 PM

Well well, i'm not good with words.



Throw in the towel.
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~ day 55
Tuesday, January 08, 2008 at 10:16:00 PM

Well, I miss you badly :(
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~ day 54
Monday, January 07, 2008 at 5:59:00 PM

Sorry mum.. i didn't meant to ignore you..
I not sure why you suddenly ask me that
''if one day, you met a problem and you don't know what to
do, will you 'xiang bu kai'? '' someone bao toh me =.=
Sorry i have to lie to you. I don't want you to worry (:
Sorry to some of my friends.. i didn't meant to walk away like that.
Sorry melky, I can't choose neither one of them.


Sorry to all.. i've to do it this way.

Maybe doing this will be better.



Since i don't really like school anymore..
i can't skip school also, so strict.
But i wanna do well for my exams.

I feel so stress.
My heart feel so unwell and uneasy.
It's telling me that it's sad.
Sorry heart, there's nothing i can heal you.
Sorry stomach, i have to make you go emptied all the times.
Well, although i really try and force to feed you, In the end,
me myself, feels like vomitting =.=
What's the use to feed you anyway =.=

Well, i don't know what to do to myself.
But actually i know, lol.
But i don't know its the right thing to do anot.

I feel like running away from home lol.
Anyone got a tent to lend me?
There's a place waiting for me to go.
Don't worry, i will go okay. Just wait patiently.

I always write what i feels and think.
But actually, i didn't write 100% of it.
Later too offensive, Gangs will come to kill me.
But i hope i really do kena killed LOL.

At least ping tries to be understanding right?
Ping everytime keep quiet is a good thing.
yea... keep quiet...
Ping, why do you want to do this?
Shut up lar. =.=
Ping always think for others but in the end also useless, but people think for you anot?
Diam la kp LOL.
So, Ping, what you wanna do?
Why must i tell you? =.= i know can liaos.
Go hosp blow air con LOL.
Ping, you are so lame. you know?
Erm, ya i know. I also bo bian mah, Never stay hosp before. So i wanna try.
Ping, YOU MUST DO IT!
yea, sure. i must do it. Everyone must visit me okay? LOL.
see how this ugly ping looks like :3
Ping, i very tired liaos. i want go kun liaos.
Hmmm, Okay. Don't be sad if i didn't update, okay?
Ping, yea sure. i'll miss you like hell man. Muacks.
^^.. Wish me luck.




Bye peeps.
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~ day 53
Sunday, January 06, 2008 at 9:49:00 PM

Hmmm...


I feel so ....

I have a bad feeling during 9th jan...



Sorry.
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~ die die die :D
at 2:17:00 PM

I wanna die.






I'm just a useless thing that's a burden.

I must act dumb.





I'm so scare..
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~ Goodbye everyone
Saturday, January 05, 2008 at 10:14:00 PM

Last song for everyone.



I'm just a hindrance to everyone. everyone...

If'm gone, wouldn't it be better?

Don't need to feel sad.
Don't need to feel uncomfortable.
Don't need to think about how you feels towards me.
You can just happily love someone else.


Yes, i don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't know how to handle break-up.
i don't know what to do..

Do you guys get what i wanna say? what i meant?...

Everyone tell me to continue walking on..
I tried you all know?
What if someone you love so badly, leave you just like that?
And he love someone else.
Ya.. like what jason say, i don't have the courage to love...
I don't have the courage to face it.
Yaya, i hum ji lar. I'm just a poor little timid mouse.
I only thinks that dying can solve.
and they will ask what about ur friends and family?
Heck care.

I'm just a selfish girl.
So selfish.


Disappearing in thin air, no one needs to care.
Yawn.

Well, farewell guys...
Take care..
Everyone must study well and take care okay?

Good nights.

And today is the last day for me to watch tv =o. i better watch alot alot ^^
I'm a loser, LOL
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~
at 9:58:00 PM

All i know is cry.
I know i don't deserve to be loved...



I know i'm not good in words...
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~ day 52
at 10:07:00 AM


How can i get rid of this feeling?
I have no idea.

Some days feel so sucidal.
Some days feel so lost.

It keep letting me feel that life is so sick.
Ya, so sick and sucky.



Sometimes it's more than a girl like me can handle.

I'm worried of this, afraid of that.
Thinking what i can do.
But it doesn't help in anything.

Once i close my eyes, it's back again.


It just feels like i'm hiding in a total dark corner.
Just that i'm trying not to show it.


Yea, it was never his fault.
It was mine. MINE.

I think it's time I should realize that
I can't change a person's character to suit my liking,
or rather, the person should willingly change himself.



"Just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to, doesn't mean
they don't love you with all their heart."
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~ day 51
Friday, January 04, 2008 at 7:49:00 PM



Thanks.
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~ dar
Thursday, January 03, 2008 at 9:51:00 PM



yea...

"I kept it in my heart and sometime
I dont tell people about it , becoz?
Becoz i dun wanna anyone to be sad too :D"
lols...

"
YAY :DD ITS OVERRR ~~
muahahahas xD !!~~
i'm so glad =D , it's my part
to concern about you okayyy xD" lols..

"
:( Dont be sad ok?
Nothing bad is goin' to happen .
I just want to be by ur side ._.
Dont think too much too ok? :D
We'll be together no matter what ok :D" lols..

"
Let's smile no matter what
You told me that, the sad moments are over,
is it really over??? hmmmm? 0.o
You get sick so easily :( , i just wanna accompany
and take care of you whenever u're sick :(
get well soon okay ." lol..

"
:( he have fever and yet i din care him at all and
i din even noe :( ... degreee 40+ summore ... hais
my bad ...


sometimes, it's so hard to love someone .
sometimes, learn to smile no matter what .
sometimes, you just dont know how to express yourself .
and yea, its hard ... real hard
keeping quiet is just making it worst ...
tears just drop whenever something sad is happening,
making you to remember those sadful things .
lets throw those SADNESS and precious those HAPPPYS .
you told me that, we'll be together no matter what,
i believe for what you said, i just wanna tell you
i always love you :) " lol..

"having you by my side, is always what i wanted
one night, we shall watch those stars together that are in the sky :D"

"
Through quarrels, saddness and laughters that we had
our feelings grew deeper each time" yea :D ...

"
dar dont think too much ok?
i always love you ok ^^~ "

"i wont stop loving you too
and hope ur fever recover fast.
i love you :DD"

"The <3 that you gave; sweet"

"
don't keep those feelings to yourself;
don't feel sad and tell me alright? <3 "

"
You gave me all your love, but i want more :x lol!"

"
dar must buck up on ur studies k?
dont be too lazy T.T"

"
dar lend me shoulder to slp F3. so kind T.T LOL
I LOVETODAY, SO FUN F3"

"
meet dar again ~.~ was not
feeling gd ytd =o so today come
visit me :D thn we go walk walk
@.@~ ty for the hughug :D of
coz i feel better already F3 LOL.
thn aft tht went back home.
shldnt hav went back so early -.-.." lols :D ..

"
thn
dar come find me ^^. thn he did
it =o mission accomplish! LOLS.
i want more pls =x too happy to
sleeep tht night rofl @.@" LOL~

"
dar must tc k @.@~ must
eat medicine if not go see doctor
@.@~ if not i smack u @.@ LOL.
jkjk @.@" lol la...


"hohoho. dar see me liaos thn piak my butt F4.
pain lar =.= LOL. thn take bus to sengkang F6.
thn walk walk. dar keep bully me today F4.
thn blablabla :D hohoho ^.^ thn i saw
SOMEONE de boxer is blue F2. LOL =X
opppss, will i get tickle the next time? F2
LOL. i better run soon T.T LOL. dar today
keep tickle me T.T so freaking itch -.-...
make me so scare of him T.T~~" LOL.

"ANYWAY, HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY TO MY DAR ^_^"

"ANYWAY, happy birthday to my dar o.o"

lols.. i nvr get a chance to celebrate with you ...
i didnt want to spoilt ur fun with ur friends you know..
thats why i kinda ignore you that day.... hah....
i always thought that.. i'll got a chance to celebrate with you..
but instead, u celebrate with ur frens.. haha..
maybe it's better bah...

Dar, ni zai na li? ...
zai pei wo duo yi ci .. hao bu hao? ...
wo hen xiang ni.. ni zhi dao ma? ...
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~ day 50
at 9:30:00 PM

There are actually alot of hidden black words;
in the past post.

I look up in the sky and gaze at the clouds.
It's telling me something.


What should i do?
I'm seeing things. woooooo.


Yea, hide.
Hide like a turtle.
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~ day 49. school start?..
Wednesday, January 02, 2008 at 8:54:00 PM

So fast wish me happy birthday? =o
Well, let's see, what's my birthday plan.
Go to somewhere that no one will find me. LOL.
Don't worry, i will do that :P

"OMG PING, WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRESENTS?!"
hmmm... presents? O_o..
Let me think... *thinking in progress*

What i want? Guess? (:
If it come true, i can reassure that i'll jump down
this building, LOL.


Hmmm, i think i don't need any presents bahs.
I just want a quiet and lonely birthday on my own.
It'll be better i guess...





I wanna learn how to play a acoustic guitar.
And i wanna write my own song, lol.
I'll hug my knee till the sunrise.

Anyone wanna teach mexzxzxz? lols 0.0..
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~ i sucks (:
at 2:56:00 PM

Dig me a hole, so i can hide inside.

and please, stop reading.
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~ Day 49
at 6:05:00 AM



Well, i can't believe i'm blogging early in the morning, haha.

Last time people asked me what's love and
I acted like i know. ya I know...
But actually, I Don't. Cause I'm asking myself too, haha.

No wonder you get so work up when i said that
you like someone. So dumb of me.
I shouldn't have ask right? Why i'm so kpo? ..
Thanks for letting me know though (:

I should had act dumb and don't ask anything in the first place.
Yea. I just wanna be like an idiot.
What makes me so surprise is, my good friend
doesn't even tell me. Oh, it's ok, i can understand.

I thought that things were getting better for us.
And soon, we can be together again. But
actually, You got someone already.
Well, if you got, the feeling of being loved and love is nice yea..
Of course you will forget about it.


Ha peeps, easier said than done.
Since he got someone already, let's not ruin his lovelife okay?

Yea melky, you are right.
I rather get hurt than letting him get hurt.
Well, that's the power of love right? (:
We've to stand aside and watch them only.
There's nothing we can do to make them get back to you again.. Right?
Someone tell me it's a No please.


Well, at least i wrote out some of my feelings right?
Time to prepare for school, haha..
It's just like the feeling of losing someone that's important
to you but only thing is, you still can only talk to each other.

Well, i failed to make him feel loved by me.
And she did it, good job my friend.
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~ Day 48
Tuesday, January 01, 2008 at 9:43:00 PM

Nothing

Save me... kill me...
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~ day 48
at 1:01:00 PM

Sometime, when they are good,
they are good like hell.
when they are bad,
they are bad like hell.

This make me wonder why they wanna do this.
Well, friends?

Happy new year to everyone.



Ouch.
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